Whiskey Funeral

Like Kim Kelly’s succinct bio tells, she’s “A Brooklyn-based freelance metal journalist and independent publicist (Catharsis PR) who also puts time in as a promoter (Doomed to Suffer Promotions), road dog, author, visibly modified individual, black metal enthusiast and sludge fiend (amongst other things).” She also gives back and contributes to the underground/metal community – in this instance, a stellar “Whiskey” themed mixtape. Read and listen on as proof of her expertise…

By Kim Kelly

I’ll never forget the day he said it. We were barreling down a dirt road, squeezed in the front of his old green Ford pickup with the dirty blue-striped seats and perennial collection of muddy boots, tins of chaw, wayward flannel, and the dreaded beat-up Pepsi bottle he kept for spitting sunflower seeds and tobacco juice. Like always, he had the country music station turned down low, just audible enough to catch a few notes of steel guitar or husky twang now and again. The windows were rolled down (this was before anything and everything came in automatic) and the summer day flying by bathed our sun-weathered faces in hot air and yanked my hair free of its messy ponytail. We were talking about Mom, which was common enough in those days. She was sick, real sick, and our familyful of rugged outdoorsmen  and no-nonsense matriarchs were beside themselves with grief, confusion, and fear. He had it worse than anyone. His high school sweetheart was slipping away from him, and his two tumultuous teenage daughters were a mystifying handful for a man raised up on hard work and simple values to cope with. Life has always been straightforward for him; decades spent on construction sites, on the trail, and in the mountains had prepared him to deal with damn near anything, but then life threw him one helluva curveball. It was enough to drive anyone to drink, least of all someone with an already more than healthy appreciation for a beer or three.

“The doctor’s talking about putting me on them antidepressants,” he mumbled gruffly. We were never an overly emotional family, and I was shocked to hear my father acknowledging his depression like that. Worried, I leaned in to catch his next sentence.

“I guess I gotta do somethin’ though, ‘cause the whiskey ain’t workin’ no more.”

Things got worse after that, and for all I know, Dad stuck by the three wise men – Jim, Jack, and Johnny – for solace during the darkest days. The statement he made that day has stayed with me ever since, though, and serves as the basis for my own love affair with aqua vita. The notion that whiskey could numb the pain and boost the spirits has been held as an inalienable truth since man built his first distillery, but everyone’s got their own special relationship with the demon drink. Some of us drink to loosen up, to have a laugh, to get the party started. Some savor the taste, the smoky flavor and honeyed sting, or appreciate the slow burn. Others like the effect – after all, they don’t call it “white lightning” for nothin’. And some drink to dull the ache and spread a temporary salve upon the wound of breathing.

Whatever your reason, whatever your story, someone’s already written a song about it. Cheers.

1) Willie Dixon – If The Sea Was Whiskey
2) EyeHateGod – Dixie Whiskey
3) Lynyrd Skynyrd – Whisky Rock-A-Roller
4) Orange Goblin – Whiskey Leech
5) Metallica – Whiskey in the Jar
6) Anal Cunt – Whiskey, Coke and Sluts
7) Sarcofago – Sex, Drinks and Metal
8) Darkthrone – Whiskey Funeral
9) AC/DC – Whiskey on the Rocks
10) Molly Hatchet – Whiskey Man
11) Willie Nelson – Whiskey River
12) Christy Moore – Smoke and Strong Whiskey
13) The Pogues – Streams of Whiskey
14) Tankard – Under Friendly Fire
15) Warcollapse – Booze, Violence, and Misery
16) Sixty Watt Shaman – One Good Leg
17) Weedeater – Whiskey Creek
18) Hank III – Country Heroes

Cryogenic Husk #25 – Whiskey Funeral

1) Willie Dixon – If The Sea Was Whiskey

A woozy, boozy, slinky and soulful ode to hopeless depression from one of the originators of Chicago blues. This old bluesman (and Rock & Roll Hall of Famer) has been around the block, seen a thing or two, and would rather bury himself at the bottom of a bottle (or an ocean) than keep on living.

2) EyeHateGod – Dixie Whiskey

I’ve knocked back more than my fair share of shots to this song. It perfectly encapsulates the sticky, sweaty, wild-eyed aggression that a few rounds too many with Tennessee whiskey will stir up in the gentlest of souls. Sheer dopesick desperation, spewed from a throat scraped raw with moonshine and staunched with blood money.

3) Lynyrd Skynyrd – Whisky Rock-A-Roller

Honky-tonkin’ swagger from the kings of Southern rock; my daddy’s favorite band, and one helluva good time. Sling back some Jack on the rocks, buy your buddy a shot or two, and settle in for a real good time.

4) Orange Goblin – Whiskey Leech

Biker bars and bourbon go together like firewater and ice, and these British hellraisers have perfected the formula. Muscular rock’n’roll swings right on into red-eyed stoner riffs, the bartender just slipped you an extra splash of scotch, and ain’t no one touchin’ that jukebox.

5) Metallica – Whiskey in the Jar (cover)

“Whiskey in the Jar” may be the most oft-covered Irish folk song ever, and in this version, a much younger (and still badass) Metallica do it plenty of justice. The Dubliners and Thin Lizzy did it better, but Alcoholica imbued it with a certain ragtag charm and devilish attitude.

6) Anal Cunt – Whiskey, Coke and Sluts

This one’s a barfight waiting to happen. Your Van Halen-loving friend from out of town gets bent outta shape when someone insults his shitty taste in tunes, things get heated, you wobble into the fray full of Dutch courage, and before anyone has time to blink there’s broken glass and screaming sorority girls everywhere.

7) Sarcofago – Sex, Drinks and Metal

Shit’s really going down now. Chairs are flying, fists are swinging, blood’s flowing, and you could’ve sworn you weren’t nearly this drunk ten minutes ago. These Satanic South Americanmetaleros bring the noise in the rawest, more primitive way possible, and break it all down into an extreme metal homage to the finer things in life. UGH!

8) Darkthrone – Whiskey Funeral

Dirty, mean, and real fuckin’ ugly, Darkthrone’s whiskey-soaked lovesong is a gravel-tongued speed metal anthem. Steeped in their characteristic grime and bad attitude, “Whiskey Funeral” burns on the way down, like chugging a handle of Evan Williams.

9) AC/DC – Whiskey on the Rocks

If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Like a finely aged small batch Kentucky bourbon, AC/DC’s vintage hard rockers go down easy, and you’re sure to enjoy the trip.

10) Molly Hatchet – Whiskey Man

Dixie whiskey’s got its own particular charm, as any purveyor of the Tennessee or Kentucky blends will tell ya. Molly Hatchet’s tried-and-true Southern rock has aged gracefully, and still packs enough of a punch to get your night rolling.

11) Willie Nelson – Whiskey River

Old school country music is unbeatable when it comes to singing ‘bout heartbreak, hardship, and boozing. Willie’s smooth, smoky voice flows overtop an almost jazzy, upbeat little ditty, dedicated to his favorite (liquid) vice. Drink this one on the rocks, with a splash of ginger and a wink to the looker across the bar.

12) Christy Moore – Smoke and Strong Whiskey

Ireland is the ancestral home of many of the world’s finest whiskies, and its people make their approval known via copious consumption thereof. The word “whiskey” itself comes from a Gaelic phrase meaning “water of life.” Clearly, they’re not fucking around. Here, Christy Moore, one of the most beloved voices in traditional Irish music, lends his dulcet tones to a short but priceless pub yarn.

13) The Pogues – Streams of Whiskey

A drinking anthem if there ever was one, Shane MacGowan’s rowdy paen to his beloved bourbon is impossibly catchy and a fitting soundtrack to a Friday night in Dublin. If you haven’t had the pleasure of wandering down O’Connell Street at 3am, dodging drunken louts and taking the piss out of the Gardai, “Streams of Whiskey” will bring you close enough to smell the stale beer.

14) Tankard – Under Friendly Fire

This Teutonic horde have traditionally spent most of their time worshipping ale, but have chosen to give the devil his due on this ripping thrash attack, taken from the ‘Beast of Bourbon’ LP.

15) Warcollapse – Booze, Violence, and Misery

Lady Bourbon can be a cruel mistress; sometimes she numbs, but sometimes she cuts deep and tears open old wounds. Warcollapse’s furious, grinding approach to crust punk lays bare the sordid side of floating down that whiskey river, mourning their own ruined lives and reaching for the bottle once more.

16) Sixty Watt Shaman – One Good Leg

Let the good times roll. This one’s worth a round of Knob Creek (on the bartender if you can swing it). Sixty Watt Shaman embrace the haze, stumbling upon a toothsome blend of stoner rock and Southern stomp and topping it all off with a double shot of white lightning.

17) Weedeater – Whiskey Creek

The hard-drinkin’, hard-livin’ souls behind notorious fuckups Weedeater are best known for their lumbering Southern-fried sludge epics, but on this track, they switch things up entirely. “Whiskey Creek” is a tall drink of gentle acoustic bluegrass, made for sipping slow at the tail end of a long, long night.

18) Hank III – Country Heroes

Quiet, dark, and lonesome. Last call.

“I’m drinkin’ some George Jones,

and a little bit of Coe

Haggard’s easin’ my misery

and Waylon’s keepin’ me from home

Hank’s givin’ me those high times -

Cash is gonna sing it low

I’m here gettin’ wasted -

here with my country heroes.

 

I’m drinkin’ that whiskey

out of that glass

and if that ain’t country,

boy, you can kiss my ass

I wanna hear them old songs -

nothin’ of the new

’cause this might be the last time

I’m gonna see you…”

 

Tagged as: Acoustic, Cover Songs, Metal, Metallica, Weedeater, Whiskey